It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
