yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
