All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
