Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
