I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
