3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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