I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
