my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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