let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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