You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
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So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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