I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
