do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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