my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
