I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
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She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
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So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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