Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
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Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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