just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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