totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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