I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
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It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.