I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
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Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
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It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread