ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
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We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
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I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.