i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom