Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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