so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
