The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
