she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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