dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
