Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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