So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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