Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
