I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
