he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
