i don't want you to think of me as your TA
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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