when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm always down for nudity.
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