His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
