Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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