covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
