Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
