If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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