I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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