My liver just broke up with me...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
