does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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