Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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