just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
