I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
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Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
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It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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