My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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