morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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