my vag is so smooth its legendary
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
