so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
