they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
