I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
