Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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