Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
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He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
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Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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