walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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