UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
