you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
