toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
