you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
