you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
