I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
