well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
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I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
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My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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