Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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