so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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