Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
