Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
