Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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