Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
