I love black thongs
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
