so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
